Not seeking escalation in relationships is the natural progression of the education of being “likeable”.
The necessity of belonging to a group and the strict rules that many of those groups have, impose to the individual their norms of behaviour.
At the end of the day, it is your call to decide if you want to be part of those groups or not, but that should be your conscious choice, because you want to, not because you do not have another option.
The new society of “political correctness” brought the whole behavioural psychology in new dimensions. To seek escalation in conversations nowadays is often being seen as a blasphemy. In the new world of increased sensitivity, where everyone is getting offended to easily, individuals are intimidated to not express their opinion and common sense, let alone to seek the escalation of them.
Being “likeable” is a trap that many people can often not escape, as they perceive that as the only option to have friends and to pursue their agenda.
If you think that those people are good people you are wrong. Good people are the ones that chose to be good, not the ones that are behaving like that because they do not have another option.
If you feel you belong to this category, that you can not help it to always be nice and you would like to change, I have some good news for you. It is easier as you think. But you are not going to be able to change by listening to the traditional advice.
How to consiously be a nice person and learn to seek escalation
To change you need firstly to understand that you are not your thoughts, and you are not your emotions.
Your “self” consists of 3 parts.
Your body (ok that is easy)
Your thoughts and emotions (aka your soul)
Yourself (your spirit)
Find a mindfulness group, in your home town or online practice and understand those 3 different entities. Once you do so you will be able to observe your thoughts, emotions, and impulsive behavior, and only then you will be able to change it. Only then you are going to be in control of your emotions and your thoughts and real change is going to come in your life.
The results of this change are going to be spectacular. New ways of effective communication are going to open for you, your understanding of the world is going to take a big leap forward and now you are going to consciously chose to be nice when you want and not because you can not do differently.